Friday, September 30, 2011

Day 1 without the husband: wherein I need a Morning Nanny, a Doctor, and a Plumber

My sister has a little boy. When he was very little he didn't want to sleep, so like all good and sleep-deprived mommies, she turned to the bookstore and the aisle with all the "How to get my baby to sleep" books. While she was browsing, she happened upon a particular title, and as she perused it's contents a woman down the way said. "Oh, that's a great book!" My sister replied, "Oh really, yeah I'm really looking for something good to help me out." The lady replied, "Yeah, my sleep nanny really liked it." At which point my sister smiled nicely, replaced the book, and slowly, ever so slowly, walked away before she either,  A)strangled the woman, B) laughed so hard in her face she peed her pants, or c) both A and B.

I'm not sure that's exactly how it happened or if that was my sister's exact reaction, perhaps I am "projecting" just a wee bit, but the words "sleep nanny" were said, and that's all you need to know. We have a sleep nanny. Her name starts with an O and ends with an A. She's a brunette, blue-eyed, Libra who prefers the mountains over the ocean and beer over wine. And I think she fancies my husband. She is awake anywhere from 2 - 4 times a night tending to the children, and she does a decent job. Some complaining, but I can't expect too much since she works for oreos. I am a lucky lady.

Another reason why I consider myself so fortunate is because I have a husband who doesn't mind taking over the first couple hours of the day, once the sleep nanny is off duty. Children wake and Martin collects them from their beds, feeds them their breakfast, brushes their teeth and gets them dressed. Then, he ever so lovingly and gently wakes me by handing me a cuddly 10 month old to snuggle, while at the same time placing a hot mug of perfectly doctored coffee on my night stand, sometimes accompanied by a breakfast sandwich.

This morning, well, this morning was a rude awakening. My sleep nanny is still here, working her little tale off, thank goodness, but Martin.  Martin is in Poland. (safe and sound, thank you Guardian Angels!) Sleep Nanny was off duty at 7am and I was on. It wasn't a pretty sight. I had half a bottle of D.P. and a pumpkin cookie to get me going. Slung some kid cereal at the kids, managed some baby cereal for Kacio and then, when all of that was done, it was 8am, the time I would normally be rolling out of bed. I don't need a sleep nanny, but I could sure use a morning nanny.

Time for the day to start, must get Felix and Lina and Kacio in the car by 8:30 to get Felix to school by 9am. Getting everybody dressed, Kacio first while the others clean up the living room... only to stumble upon this little surprise...

Any caretaker of small children has probably seen this at least once, and knows not to panic. But regardless, it's not something you want to see because it means your child is covered in hives and uncomfortable, and that they are allergic to Penicillin (first Felek, now Kacio). So, change of plans, kids to grandma's and Kacio to doctor. 1.5 hours later, a new scrip for more anti-biotics.( I'm giving him 24 hours to show me he even needs them.  He just got off 9 days of drugs! This is usually something Martin and I decide together, whether or not to give the meds. the doctors push on us. But he's not here, soooo... So much medicine, such a little

So, I got the doctor I needed. Still not happy with the outcome, but got the doctor.

So, it's the end of the day now, lots of stuffed happened in between now and then. Tiring stuff.   Kids in bed, and my last task of the day...

... unclogging the kitchen sink. Conveniently, right before Martin left, Tuesday night, the kitchen sink got clogged. Someone, not saying who (it was me), put some inhospitable food down the garbage disposal and now the dang thing drains an ounce an hour. Martin volunteered to fix it that night but I knew that if I let him he would never be packed in time (for which we both suffer, so it wasn't a completely selfless act) so I didn't mention it again and he forgot and now I have it. I have managed to avoid it all day, but now me, and this guy...

...are sharing a beer and working on the clog. He's not really doing a "max" kind of job at the moment (I think he might be drunk) and it looks like I might actually have to do some sort of drain cleaning/unclogging by myself (*I* may need to be drunk). This is disgusting in every way. When Martin does it there is always some nondescript black gunk that gets pulled out, it smells like death, and it may or may not be moving on its own. I am not looking forward to this.

So me, the sleep nanny (yeah, she's back on duty), and the "guaranteed" plumber are going to try and tackle this drain before bed because the house smells like old rotting food and stagnant water. At least I'm not alone, right?

In conclusion: I need a morning nanny (Martin). I have an ok doctor (without my chief consultant, Martin :( ). And I'll  let you know if I have a plumber (usually Martin, but today...I can do this, but that sleep nanny is already complaining, she is *such* a whiner, gah...)...

I miss you Martin... I hope Poland appreciates all I have given up for you to be there!  ;), LOL, just sayin', LOL, ;), LOL, just sayin', LOL, ;), ;).

P.S. Don't worry, I'm not planning on posting 14 of these.

UPDATE: Sink unclogged. Took all the pipes apart, caught the clog and water in a bucket, cleaned everything up in under 30 min. I am awesome and now the whole world knows it...accolades for me, accolades for me, la la la la la la...accolades for me!


  1. I'm so sorry that so much happened on freaking day #1 but holy cow was this post funny! So, so, very funny. And the lady with the sleep nanny? Consider her slapped! I mean, is that stuff even for real? Really real?

  2. I know. Teresa must hang out in some swanky book stores. I guarantee sleep nanny lady isn't buying books at Half Price.

  3. If I had enough money I wouldn't even think twice about having a sleep nanny. I don't care what a horrible person that makes me. I need to sleep or I And I did. So screw that lady for having one.

  4. Oh that story is real. I was in the Barnes and Noble near Northpark Mall. For all you Dallasites out there, you know what that means. When the woman told me her sleep nanny swore by whatever book I had in my hand, I had no words. I did creep away while she told the other tired woman in the section all about it. The temptation to sin was too great.

  5. Sorry about the rough day. Maybe I should stay at your place next weekend and you should stay with Aunt Elizabeth!

  6. Ha! And now you know...the rest of the story.

    Nah, today has been great. Yesterday was just hard because I wasn't expecting the hives and i really don't like having kids who are allergic to Penicillin, it causes additional complications. So that was a mental stress. And I didn't sleep well without Martin, but apparently I am over that because last night I slept like a rock! All is good in our house.

  7. Olivia, you are a " zuch baba" that you could unclog that pesky drain! I'm totally impressed!
    Sorry for your problems, but the post was very funny!