Clash of Cultures: You best blow on that food!

You know, when you marry someone, you marry their family too. If you didn't already know that, and are thinkin' of gettin' hitched, you should probably take a good long look at the family you are about to join. Spend some time with them, their mannerisms, their quirks, their brilliance, their annoyance. Take a good hard look because 1) you are now going to be spending at least some time with those people, even if only on the holidays...foreknowledge is forewarned and 2) you are marrying the product of that family. True, "he is not his family," he can choose to reject or embrace their craziness and loveliness and whatever else comes with them all on his own but sometimes, sometimes it's there, they're there, in him, whether you like it or not. Habits, traits, and odd ideas about food.

Once again folks, it's those odd ideas about food that have brought me to the computer this fine frosty, rainy/snowy day in APRIL, with a cold Tyskie (that's a beer) in my hand and a roll of toilet paper at my side (I have a cold, tissues are dumb) convincing myself that you all would love to hear me tell of my latest "is that just Martin, just his family, or just a Polish thing?" ( you have absolutely no idea how many times I ask him this question on a daily basis... sometimes even he doesn't know the answer).

Drum roll please.....


The blowing on of food that has been dropped on the floor.


Now hear me out on this...please, before you turn away in yet another instance where you stumble here only to roll your eyes at the clearly neurotic, sheltered, uncultured, 'merican, with the sometimes Texas accent... listen to my words and decide for yourself whether or not this is a Polish thing or just a Martin thing, or perhaps just me making too big a deal of something so small.

And speaking of small, just how much actual dirt and grime do you think blowing on a piece of bread, or fruit, or candy, or whatever else it is that you just rolled around in the dirt, do you think you're going to get off? Just by blowing on it?!

And that's what I'm talkin' 'bout! When a piece of food falls to the floor the man picks it up and blows on it! Every. single. time!! Anything.  Anything that falls. He quickly snatches it up, and blows on it. Then he flips it over, to the side that never touched the ground, and blows on that side too!

Look, we've all heard of the "5 second rule". Or if it's something you really love to eat and it's been more than 5 seconds then of course the rule quickly becomes the "10 second rule". This just means that no one's going to think you're gross for popping that watermelon flavored Jolly Rancher back in your mouth after it fell on the sidewalk. I mean, it's watermelon. So few of those come in the package and they are the only really decent flavor, they might even get a 15 second rule if maybe it fell out and then rolled a little ways and it took you a bit of time to spot it. But really, please, enlighten me, what the heck kind of good is it gonna do for you to blow on it? Seriously? Because chances are, whatever gross thing you are so desperately trying to blow off, and probably shouldn't be ingesting, has managed to survive on the very surface on which your piece of food fell (as they are wont to do). If it managed to survive this long, then it will, most definitely, continue to thrive in your stomach and intestines and attempt to undo all that creation has rightly ordered in an upheaval that will have you wishing you had never set eyes on a Jolly Rancher in your life. And *blowing* on it...is only going to anger it.

(whispering) pssst... hey, you,  there ain't nothin' there, on your food, that's gonna kill you if you drop it on the floor, whether you blow on it or not...

Now, I know what you're all thinkin', Oh, I know! "This chick is off her rocker. Her husband clearly just learned this little habit, this little tick, this completely irrational and silly ritual that he is passing on to the kids, from his parents (they do it too). And they're just weird. Why is she takin' this out on us poor normal Polish folk? Just sittin' here on our Friday night, watchin' our reruns of "M jak Milosc" and eating our pickled Herring, being assaulted by her finger pointing and name calling....!!!"

First of all. Ya'll need to calm. down.

Second of all, I would never speak of something so ridiculous and TRUE, if I didn't have proof...

A story.

Three weeks ago I was taking the kids to their weekly Catechism lesson. We were running late and I had them eat their Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches as we walked to class. We have to walk quite a ways. Kacio refused to let me carry him so we are walking as quickly as possible while escorting a 2 year old snail child, scarfing our sandwiches when suddenly an older gentleman and his wife yelp out, "O, o, kanapka, spadła!" I looked down to find that Kacio had dropped his PB&J right on the sidewalk which was not the cleanest after several snowfalls and melting's. I quickly scooped the sandwich up and proceeded to flick off the biggest chunks of mud and gave it back to him (of course). Thinking the ordeal over, I begin to press on when I hear...

*"Nie, nie, dmuchaj! Dmuchaj! Accompanied by the sound of said gentleman, and his wife, blowing on my son's sandwich.

It spans generations, it cannot be stopped. It is passed down as surely as the banana tip is spat out, and the feet are bare upon entry. And *this* shall the future husbands and wives of my children marry into. You have been forewarned.

Blow on that piece of food one more time! Go ahead!! I dare you...

*"No, no, blow! Blow!"