Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Why I need a new blender.

Alright, everyone who is reading this right now, turn off your cell phones and pagers, and listen up. Some of the most exciting news to be heard in this household for at least 5 days, if not an entire week, is about to be revealed to you.

Tonight. I made. wait for iiiiiiiit... DELICIOUS SOUP!

Stop. Digest the news. Are you smiling? I'm smiling. Are you tearing up a little? I know! Me too!

Isn't it glorious?! I made delicious soup!

I realize there are a few of you out there who are rolling your eyes and chuckling at my emotion. That's fine. You have my permission to go back to doing whatever it was that was soooo important that you can't take a few seconds to take part in my joy. Obviously you didn't taste this soup and obviously you care not for human struggle.

Oh yes, I struggle with soup. I do. I really do. I don't know why. It doesn't really matter. Until today I have never made an edible soup. (this does not include chowders, stews, or chilis, all of which I am quite good at) I'm not joking people. It always ends up poorly. I use my kids as guinea pigs, they won't touch it, I won't even eat it. And my darling husband always says he likes my soup before saying something supportive like... "maybe you should just get lessons from my mom." Thanks for the solidarity Martin.

Why would he ever suggest his mom? Oh wait, I know why...

(the older gentleman at the beginning was raving about how good my soup tasted. How do you know I'm lying? You don't speak Polish. The chatty Cathy is speaking about her soup, how it's made and a bunch of other stuff...I think...how should I know, I don't speak Polish.)

She comes from a country that eats so much soup that they have a festival! A FESTIVAL!

A FESTIVAL! JUST FOR SOUP! They eat so much soup there they have claimed at one point to consume more soup per capita than any other country in the world (validity of statement not verified). They eat soup at least once EVERY DAY, if not twice. And I can be there a whole month and never eat the same soup, I know, I've done it. They even have two soups that are traditionally eaten only on certain holidays. Soups! And Martin looks forward to these soups as the highlight of those meal. SOUPS!

I'm doomed.

I am from a state that avoids soup like the plague.

Now, I mentioned earlier that I make a mean chili, a decent chowder, and a pretty good stew. Those aren't soups.

Chili was created for cowboys on the the cattle drives bringing cattle from the North, somewhere like Montana down to Texas, their rightful home, and they needed something hearty and filling to eat along the way. Chili is perfect, you make it in one pot, you let it sit over the fire, it gets better the longer it sits over the fire so the cowboys never have to actually put any food away, they can just let it sit there all night and eat it for breakfast...perfect!

Stews were allowed in Texas to get kids to eat veggies. You drown the veggies in the stew juice (beef juice...mmm...beef juice) and when everything has been cooked long enough to where all the contents are the same color, voila!, the veggies now taste like beef. Every Texas kid loves beef.

Chowder. Well, Chowder is, admittedly, a weakness on my part. There is no reason why I should be making chowder. I just really like a good clam chowder. I couldn't find any good clam chowder. I wanted some good clam chowder, so I went out and made the %*@&%&$ chowder! No, no, really, it's good, the kids won't eat it, but it's good.... let's press on.

You don't eat soup in Texas. It exists. I've seen it in the store. Others have spoken about it. If you look hard enough you can find kinds that have pasta that resemble the heads of Disney princesses. But I did not grow up eating soup. It did not really exist in any kind of regularity at our house, nor the homes of my friends.

One simple reason folks. It's just too darn hot here. Plain and simple. And so I never learned the art of making soup. And it must be an art because I really stink at it. And I've been told that for art you need talent. And I have no talent when it comes to soup. It is always too salty, too chunky, too thick (that's my wanting the soup so desperately to be a chowder ), too whatever, and no one wants to eat it. A lot of good veggies get drowned and thrown away. It's really depressing. And I just stopped trying.

But I was sick this weekend and I watched a lot of T.V. And on the T.V. there was a lady. And this lady shared a recipe for soup with me that made making a good soup look so easy, so effortless, so delicious (looking) that I had to try it.

Four ingredients later, and a quick puree in the ol' blender, and I had a delicious soup. It called for a garnish, they call it creme-frebaksjdhkjb. But you know what, I didn't need it... why garnish perfection?

That's right folks. Four ingredients. Perfect soup.

Now I need one of these... because, well... I am going to be making a lot of soup now. And with this version, if Poland doesn't work out, I could probably find a function that will allow it to double as an escape pod.


  1. Where is a link to this magical soup recipe????

  2. Liv, I have a phenomenal tomato soup recipe for you that goes in the slow cooker, uses canned tomatoes and dried tarragon. I KNOW. You don't like tarragon but this is just enough to give it a brightness. i've tried so many and this is seriously awesome. Anyway, I'm glad you found the secret to personal soup success.

  3. Teresa, I don't dislike Tarragon, I just don't understand how it can magically go into any recipe and jazz it up...seems suspicious.