Sunday, April 17, 2011
Some people are worriers. I assume these people sometimes look at life as a bunch of problems to be fixed and then become fearful of what will happen if they are not fixed, constantly asking themselves "what if this happens..." or "what if that happens..." making themselves overwrought and sick to their stomach. They don't say things like "sick with worry" for nothing. Ugh, that would be hard.
Then there are those people who are anxious types. They are confronted with problems and they clench up, break out into sweats, breathe uneasy. Perhaps they are not so much worried that things won't work out but they are just riddled with anxiety as they forge ahead, the whole process is stressful. A truly ulcer inducing state to be sure. (and btw, never google images of stomach ulcers just "out of curiosity". just don't. or ingrown toenails.)
But not me... nope, I am neither of these things.
I am never really worried. I come from a long line of people who know that if you don't call, that means everything is fine. If you don't ask for help, then of course, you don't need it. I don't worry unless someone tells me I need to. I don't worry unless someone is literally waving red flags in my face shouting at me, "BE WORRIED NOW!"
Martin considers himself pragmatic, I see him as a bit of a worrier, I know what they're like... worriers can also sometimes be hypochondriacs... just throwing that out there.
I am not an anxious person by nature. I figure that if I have a problem and I have a plan to fix it, then there really is no need for anxiety. It either works or it doesn't, what's the point of stressing over it? It just makes the whole thing that much more difficult. No, no, that would take more effort than is needed and I am too lazy for that.
My sister is a bit of an anxious type. Anxious types can also be perfectionists... just sayin'.
Nope, I am neither of these things or any variation of the two you can think of, nope, I'm always cool-headed, sweat free, plowing ahead with a calm and serene smile. Is this type of attitude worrying you? Feeling a little anxious about my lack of concern for my everyday tasks and life decisions? Never fear. There is a simple explanation as to why I am neither of these types of people...
I am an easily-overwhelmeder.
What's that you say? There's no such thing as an easily-overwhelmeder? I'm just making all this up so I don't make the worriers and anxious types feel bad? Well, that's partly true, (what is their problem anyway?)... but no, really , it does exist and I am one.
The reason you can't see it, is because it is what happens before you can actually worry over something or become anxious about how it will turn out. In fact, if you see me working out a problem, moving forward with that serene smile on my face, be certain that I have already battled my demon (and won)... that crippling feeling of being overwhelmed. When you lose to this demon, you find the person curled up in a ball on their bed trying to sleep so they don't have to think about all they must accomplish. I don't do this...anymore. I can't. Why? Because I did everything that an easily-overwhelmeder shouldn't do. I filled my life with tasks, tasks that can't be done one at a time and at their own pace. I have four small children and I am in the process of preparing myself and my family to move to another country, and that doesn't include any of the other normal things that I have to do every day just to survive. Ugh... you know, I have a really comfortable bed... so soft and dreamy... maybe I should just go lay down, just for a bit...
Easily-overwhelmeders look at the road ahead as a bunch of jumbled up tasks that must be tackled, and the reason they become overwhelmed is that they think they have to tackle them all at once. This is due in large part to the biggest contributor to being an easily-overwhelmeder... lack of patience. I have no patience. When I know what I want, when I know what the next step is, I want to do it NOW. This is what led me to suggest to Martin that maybe we should sell our house NOW so we could just pack everything up NOW, so that we could make that list of everything we want to keep NOW, so that we know exactly what we will need NOW, so that we can have a clear picture of everything that we haven't thought about NOW.... ahhhhhh... the walls are closing in on me as I type. Egads.
Patience Olivia, patience. I am constantly hearing this from Martin. One thing at a time he says, don't look at all the things we have to do to get there, just start with what we have to do to get to next week and then the week after that, and pretty soon next week will be the week we board the plane, and we'll be on our way.
He's right, dang it. But come on, there is so much to think about. I'm not worried it won't happen, and I'm not worried I won't be able to do it.... but I just can't seem to swim out from under this huge tidal wave of "things we must do before we can move to Poland." And I have to swim out, I have to use all my strength to sift through it and start with one thing at a time, or else I'll never get started and we'll never get there.
So, I should just make a list and start from there. Lists are essential to an easily-overwhelmeder, and I am no exception. And guess what, I have already started on the first two things on my list!
#1 Start a blog/write blog post
#2 Drink a beer
The serene smile is already starting to return, and I'm sure the beer has nothing to do with it.
P.S. My first memory of Poland is when I was walking into Martin's family home for the first time. His Babcia Sacha stops me immediately inside the door and just starts yelling at me (it seemed like yelling though I know she wasn't really), feverishly firing off whatever it was she had to tell me and gesturing at my feet and then putting her hands to her face and back at my feet and back to her face, looking as if I had just given her the worst news of her life. I was at a loss. I look to Martin for help and he says, "She is afraid your feet are cold and you will get sick and wants to know why I haven't given you any slippers." Classic worrier.