Right now I'm just trying to keep things in perspective. I'm failing pretty miserably but that hasn't kept me from trying. Martin says my posts have seemed negative since we got here. The underlying fatigue, daily frustrations, and overwhelming nature of this whole move has made it difficult for me to whip out any fun and Disney-esque posts . Sorry, Martin.
Truth be told, I am feeling very out of control right now. Everything I have built up in the last 7 years, all my hobbies, all my recipes, all me routines, have been completely dismantled. And to begin to put them back together is proving to be near to impossible without the right tools. They are here, these tools, but finding them is time and energy consuming. And there is the matter of the four children...
Perspective is needed, friends. Because every time I am near to tears at these feeling of helplessness and complete loneliness I have to remember that is also just a part of moving. Not a part of Poland, but a part of moving to a new place. Were I moving to Virginia or Maine, or even North Texas, I would not know where anything is, the best places to shop, or any of the people. Heck, in some parts of the U.S. I might not even completely understand the language. It certainly isn't Poland that is holding me back, it's just the move.
Oh yeah, and, It's only been two weeks... get a grip you NINNY!
In closing, a little story to help us all keep things in perspective...
Last week I made the whole family take a tram into the Old Town to find a little Pasmanteria called "Kłebuszek." It has been said that this little shop is the best place to find yarn in Krakow. So far I have found this to be true. It is small, with only one wall of yarn but I discovered a nice section of 100% wełna (wool) in just the right weight. I purchased my yarn, brought it home and cast on. I had come to a point in the main body of the piece that required me to knit for 3 inches in the main pattern. I thought I had 3 inches but I really wanted to measure. I couldn't find my ruler. So, I searched the internet for a true to size "one inch" length and this little diddy popped up in the mix. I so very very rarely click on Youtube videos but this time I decided to take a little detour and I'm glad I did. I watched it, and it made me smile. That was enough.
Perspective lesson for today: I am trying to figure out how I fit in here, finding peace with the limitations and embracing the places where I can flourish. After seeing this video I know that I can at least be grateful that I only had to move from Texas to Poland, and not from the vast ocean to this little tiny glass box. And so far no one has forced me to try and squish my body through a one inch hole. So, I'd say I have it way better than this Octopus. And that's a start.
P.S. ;) ;) ;) j/k, j/k, j/k, lol, lol, lol. :p
To be honest, I think if I was to write a post like that, it'd be far more angry. At some point my frustration after moving to the US has replaced any other emotion I've had.
ReplyDeleteBut, here it goes. I'm from Wroclaw, a city I love to bits. My husband is from Huntsville, AL. We decided to move here to "try". It took me two years to get the green card (somebody somewhere didn't send something...and the rest is history) which meant two years without leaving the States or even being able to drive. I was the bag of potatoes everyone had to take everywhere, because there is no public transportation of any kind here.
In the meantime, we also had a baby.
Every piece of furniture I've ever bought in Poland, every single CD or DVD I've ever owned, stayed there.
And yes, I know I can START here, I can build everything AGAIN, but hell, it's so frustrating. On top of it all, I simply MISS my family and friends, you know (and it would be great if they could see my daughter more often, but that's a whole different story).
So yeah, I can understand what you're going through, more or less. How is your Polish? Do you have any friends there?
Wow. That does sound frustrating, and lonely. I hopped over to your blog to look around and was wondering how in the world you ended up in Alabama. And now I know! Interesting how you think your situation is hard and yet there is always someone out there who has it harder. I think I would go crazy if I had so little independence because I couldn't drive.
DeleteHave you been able to return to Poland yet? I have been to Wroclaw a few times, it truly is a lovely city.
Haha! I still wonder how in the world I ended up in Alabama :)
DeleteI visited Poland this May and it was the greatest time, ever. Right now we are wondering what to do next.
Anyway, it will get easier, I think. It's way easier if you speak the language and have something on your own (a hobby, friends, etc.). I know Wroclaw has some kind of American community, I'm sure Krakow does too. In fact, I think it's far more cosmopolitan than Wroclaw.
It sounds like maybe your husband may be in for a little "living abroad." ;)
DeleteI don't really speak the language. I get by and of course, I can just say "Nie mowię popolsku" and most people are kind enough to just help me along. So I can shop and use public transportation by myself easily. Making friends, in Polish, would be much harder but I'm getting there. It hasn't been a huge problem yet actually, the language. My hobby is very represented here. I think I might have to hang out with a group of Babcia's if I want to make friends over knitting. ;)
What do you (and your husband) do for the living ?
DeleteFor most young people english should be no problem.
I work in IT and I have met a lot of greate people in companies I have worked for. Some of them are foreginers (and they succesfully learn Polish) but language is not a barrier.
I don't think your posts are sounding negative, just honest which is what I really appreciate. Give yourself a break, Olivia. I think you are an amazing woman and you should be proud of all that you've accomplished so far - creating a comfortable and safe home for your family, raising and homeschooling four kids, etc. Moving, like you said, is a huge event no matter where you move. It's gonna take A LOT OF TIME before you're comfortable again, but YOU WILL GET THERE. Sure I only know you from your posts, but what I see is a fighter. God bless you all.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the confidence booster, Halinka! I know it will get easier, I'm just tired. Everything looks so much more difficult when you're tired. Tomorrow is going to be an exciting day and a whole new outlook. :)
Deletegood point! I absolutely agree :-)
DeleteOn the other hand I think that it is crusial to get everything around before first winter. Winters are trully depresing for me. We have very few sun in november, december, even less then Ireland - one hour a day is planty. (there is more from junary). And there is a lot of trubble in Gdansk (I suppose in Krakow it is similar) with snow on rutes and car preparation (hopefully you have garage it saves a lot of truble).
DeleteSo prepare your car (winter tires) and prepare something to do in home loooong winter evenings ;] for you and children and well prepare mentally for it... USA i extremally sunny country. Poland have a lot of sun now in the summer nut overal it have the same as UK so winters are cloudy and dark (7,5h days because of latitude)
You are very right. I am mentally and physically preparing for this already. We are thinking of making the basement a play area. Although it will be cold down there we could always bundle up and play ping pong or something. Just to have fun and avoid hours of television. We'll have to be creative! And we do have a garage, thank goodness, although it sits at the bottom of a very steep incline... I see some snow shoveling in Martin's future...
DeletePing pong is good idea. Board games, books, internet, anythink. If you have any hills you also can enjoy outdors when there will be some snow - sled. But snow is more in january and february. December is the hardest 30h of sun per mounth... at least we still have christmas :).
DeleteIn case it will be hard you can make plan B. - take vacations somewere sunny nearby in Croatia, Greece, Italy. Europe vacations are much cheaper then from Texas :-) and it will help.
Ski if you like to try as mountins are nearby.
For 4 kids you will need a lot of cloatchs for winter...gloves, scarves, pants, jackets... so shopping :-)
This will be the hardest time for you in the first few months - But if you can adjust by the end of the year, I think you should be ok. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteHello lovely. Oh I can so sympathise with what you are feeling. I'm
ReplyDeleteonly 2-3 month ahead of you but I can confirm that the tiredness after
such a massive step is overwhelming! All the tension and excitement is
slowly wearing off and you are just left with a little bit of a hole.
If you fancy reading our post on fieldmission.wordpress.com you will
find similar struggles and just yesterday my husband put that the post
sounds negative although its not meant to be. I think it's a very
typical roller coaster. Let me know if there is anything I can help
with from Gdansk! Much love!
Thank you Janine, as always, I love hearing from you and appreciate your kind words. I will definitely hop over to your blog and see how you all are doing!
DeleteBlessings,
Olivia
Although your husband is Polish, you will find this book interesting.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/8392114906/ref=redir_mdp_mobile
Written by American woman who lives here for almost 20 years. Quiet funny!
It can be downloaded from internet. If you can't find, I can send by email.
Yes! The book! I haven't bought it, but I am going to look on Amazon.co.uk right now!
DeleteYep. The book is great. Have recommended it to Olivia before. My British friends who have lived here for 4 years has just started reading it and found it helpful too.
ReplyDeleteHey, it's OK to feel down: culture shock and exhaustion on a trans-continental move are normal. It'd be weird if you weren't overwhelmed at times! When in need, cut yourself some slack and give into it once in a while. In times of great stress, I'm a big believer in having a good cry and letting it all out. Always makes me feel better and stronger afterwards. Not that I'm advocating tears. But I am advocating admitting you're human. Chin up! It'll get better. Meantime indulge yourself in whatever way makes you feel better.
ReplyDeleteCheers from Colorado
Thanks, Colorado!
DeleteTrust me, tears will be shed. I am saving them for something *really* big. ;)
I hope it will be better and better every day. I can help - I do not how, but I hope I can. :)
ReplyDeleteYou can order everything online, including groceries - it will be easier with your kids. I'm using alma24, when I am ordering food. Delivery is free if you buy for min. 200 zł.
Yarn (and everything else) you can also buy online - I am buying on allegro (it's like polish ebay).
I am impressed. Starting in new place with four kids have to be very hard. You are very brave. :)
Thank you for the offer of help. I would love to meet up with you. I need a couple more weeks to get my feet on the ground and then I will send you an email. If I need help with anything I will most def. email you. Thank you!
DeleteI will be waiting.
DeleteI hope everything will be smooth and easy for you and your family.
this is really funny! my name is Ania and i moved from Krakow to fort worth tx with my husband... I'm polish and he's from texas....
ReplyDeleteFort Worth! That's a fun city. My sister lives right next door in Dallas! Are you liking Texas so far? Is it really hot?
Deleteit is super hot ... i actually moved from krakow to cali for about 10 years but then i moved to fort worth ... i mist say i miss the beach... u live in krakow not that far from my house... I'm in stary (old) prokocim... how are you liking poland? I've been trying to convince my hubby to come visit my friends and family in krakow.. hopefully well be able to come out there in the next year or so... i haven't read ur whole blog i just stumbled upon it today but i thought id write u since we basically flip flopped.... what brought u out to poland? if u don't mind me asking
ReplyDeleteOlivia, it's Melissa. I just re-found your blog so I catching up. You do NOT sound negative and even if you did, SO WHAT! You just moved yourself and your kids away from all you've ever known. Tell Martin to shut it. :)
ReplyDeleteI miss you guys so bad and I love reading your blog. When can you talk on the phone?