A Pregnant Pause

I sat there thinking about what it meant.  All at once. You know how that happens sometimes? It seems like every thought that could be thought, about the future, is trying to be thought, by your brain, even without your permission? Yeah, that happened, in the blink of an eye.  This is how it starts. And I have a little secret inside. And it makes me smile and giddy and my adrenaline is racing, and I feel a little sick. Not sick because of all that but sick from the adrenaline and the excitement...and the overwhelming-ness.


It takes a little time, see. A little time to really know exactly what it is that is happening to you. Your life is on pause while you think it all through. You thought you knew what it was you wanted, what you were planning, until it is actually staring you in the face.

But where do I start? How do I start? What's the first thing I should do? I only have 9 months! 9 months? So long to wait! I can't wait that long! 9 months? Oh my goodness, it'll be here before next summer. That's not enough time! I don't have enough time! What was God thinking, choosing me, right NOW? Is He insane?  I don't feel so good...

OK, well, I have to start planning. I have to prepare. I have to...to ...buy things...and do things....and...and...we need more stuff, wait, no, we need less stuff, there isn't enough room, we need more space, and we need....we need...wait, what do we need....stuff...and then there's stuff to do, wait, I already wrote that... ok....so stuff to do and stuff we need and some stuff to buy and some stuff to get rid of... boxes, I need boxes, and ...and ....lists, lots of lists...my brain hurts...


Breathe in. Breathe out. Breath in. Breathe out. Pray. Patience. Peace. Clarity. Strength. Courage. Zeal!

I remember what it's all for. I remember the end result. I smile. It's going to be so wonderful. Everything we've talked about and hoped for. It will be so great, hard times, long days, long nights, but really great, and meaningful. Yeah, yeah, that's what it's all for. And I can do it all before it gets here. And if I don't, well, some of it can get done later, no big deal, right? Yeah, yeah. This is supposed to be fun, supposed to be exciting!

Ok, regrouping... I am excited, and there is so much to do, yes!, this is what I want, all of it... I cant wait to get started!

9 months...

...until...