After almost two whole months of not posting anything because life has been busy and full and pretty good all around, I am happy to report...we are going to visit Texas!
We are leaving tomorrow, Sunday, and arriving at 11:54pm the same day. We will be tired, prob. hungry (or at least I will, I'm always hungry these days), and really excited.
It is all very exciting....and amidst all of that we will be welcoming a new baby GIRL into the family whom I have no doubt will slide seamlessly into the every day just as the rest of them did, whose first words will be "HejjoFelix" and "Tata" and will be raised on homemade Lasagna and frozen Pierogi.
Life is good. It is easy for me to be chipper when I have the Texas Hill Country on the horizon, and I'm not gonna lie and say that the fog that has settled over Krakow is not makin' it easier for me to run to the airport tomorrow despite my dislike for flying (it is, and so is the freezing staircase down to the laundry room, in the dark...freezing I tell you, I don't remember this from last year ;) ), but I will miss Poland. I will miss my friends, and I'm sorry we won't be here for them to meet the baby right away. They were some of the first ones to share in my joy of finding out about a new pregnancy, they have helped support my homeschooling efforts and they have gone shopping with me, for stupid things, like candy, and liquor. I am also sorry to leave our family here. They are all so kind and helpful and excited for us, in everything we do. They get excited about our house plans, they are interested in our schooling, and they babysit whenever they can. They're truly lovely people. I will miss sharing things with them. And the Polish winter, outside of the foul air, is quite pretty...
I have been through all the reasons why the next 6 months (that's right SIX WHOLE MONTHS...if you're gasping right now that's fine, I haven't quite wrapped my head around that number either) could be really...anxious, for me. And there will be some of those moments, I know it. I have, of course, been over and over them in my mind, and wondered how I will handle the culture shock and the expectations of family and, well, just being "a part of things" again (which at the moment seems rather overwhelming). I'm not dwelling on them but someone has to be the dramatic one in this family and it can't just be my 6 year old (chip off the ol' block that one...he gets a special stipend in my will ;) ). BUT, I am NOT going to stand for it to take over. I am going to enjoy myself, our trip, and our ability to actually spend time with family and friends without a rush. Really soak up the familiarity, recognize the differences, let it sink it, and just BE. I decided this early this morning and it sounded like a good idea.
Shortly after, during our family Rosary, I thought about the plane ride and became nauseous. So my resolve lasted about 30 minutes and I got as far as the airport in my imagination, which should have otherwise been contemplating the Presentation at the Temple. That's progress. Sort of.
I do know that I am just desperate to see my dad, who I haven't seen in 18 months. Okay, twice on Skype I saw his face and he waved, but the man is busy, and time differences stink. And I have a niece and a nephew I have never met. I have godchildren who could be wondering down the wrong spiritual paths because I'm not around to shepherd them straight, (this is totally not true but then what else am I here for? Although I do give good presents...). And I have some pent up passion for a mean game of Monopoly that involves Martin, myself, one red headed younger brother, and a huge bowl of Queso. (I almost always win, I am always the banker, and I NEVER cheat). In the end it just boils down to missing my family, and knowing that when we return here, it could be perhaps another 2 years before we see them again.
We will be in Texas for Thanksgiving (and Christmas, and a birth, and Easter, and 2 Sacraments...). I can hardly think about it without crying happy tears ( I blame the baby). I miss them so much. And we're actually going back to Texas. I won't believe it 'til we get off the plane in Austin. But it will be wonderful when I do.
Lastly, but equally as important... I am holding all of you who have written to me and told me your own situations, and cannot be home for the holidays this year, close to my heart. This is my year to go home and I am not taking that for granted but I know what it's like to be missing home and your family. You're all in my prayers.